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LONG, long ago, when you and
I, dear Reader, were young, when the fairies dwelt in the hearts of the
roses,
when the moonbeams bent each night beneath the weight of angels' feet,
there
lived a good, wise man. Or rather, I should say, there had lived, for
at the
time of which I speak the poor old gentleman lay dying, Waiting each
moment the
dread summons, he fell a-musing on the life that stretched far back
behind him.
How full it seemed to him at that moment of follies and mistakes,
bringing
bitter tears not to himself alone, but to others also! How much
brighter a road
might it have been, had he been wiser, had he known!
"Ah, me!" said the
good old gentleman, "if only I could live my life again in the light of
experience!"
Now as he spoke these words
he felt the drawing near to him of a Presence, and thinking it was the
One whom
he expected, raising himself a little from his bed, he feebly cried, "I
am
ready."
But a hand forced him gently
back, a voice saying, "Not yet; I bring life, not death. Your wish
shall
be granted. You shall live your life again, and the knowledge of the
past shall
be with you to guide you. See you use it. I will come again."
Then a sleep fell upon the
good man, and when he awoke he was again a little child, lying in his
mother's
arms; but locked within his brain was the knowledge of the life that he
had
lived already.
So once more he lived and
loved and laboured. So a second time he lay an old, worn man with life
behind
him. And the angel stood again beside his bed; and the voice said,
–
"Well, are you content
now?"
"I am well content,
" said the old gentleman. "Let Death come."
"And have you
understood?" asked the angel.
"I think so," was
the answer; "that experience is but as of the memory of the pathways he
has trod to a traveller journeying ever onward into an unknown
land. I have
been wise only to reap the reward of folly. Knowledge has ofttimes kept
me from
my good. I have avoided my old mistakes only to fall into others that I
knew
not of. I have reached the old errors by new roads. Where I have
escaped sorrow
I have lost joy. Where I have grasped happiness I have plucked
pain also. Now
let me go with Death that I may learn."
Which was so like the angel
of that period, the giving of a gift, bringing to a man only more
trouble.
Maybe I am overrating my coolness of judgment under somewhat
startling
circumstances, but I am inclined to think that, had I lived in those
days, and
had a fairy or an angel come to me, wanting to give me something,
– my soul's
desire, or the sum of my ambition, or any trifle of that kind,
– I should have
been short with him.
"You pack up that
precious bag of tricks of yours," I should have said to him (it would
have
been rude, but that is how I should have felt), "and get outside with
it.
I'm not taking anything in your line to-day. I don't require any
supernatural
aid to get me into trouble. All the worry I want I can get down here,
so it's
no good your calling. You take that little joke of yours – I
don't know what it
is, but I know enough not to want to know – and run it off on
some other idiot.
I’m not priggish. I have no objection to an innocent game of
'catch-questions'
in the ordinary way, and when I get a turn myself. But if I've got to
pay every
time, and the stakes are to be my earthly happiness plus my future
existence –
why, I don't play. There was the case of Midas a nice, shabby trick you
fellows
played off upon him
making pretence you
did not understand him, twisting the poor old fellow's words round just
for all
the world as though you were a pack of Old Bailey lawyers trying to
trip up a
witness; I'm ashamed of the lot of you, and I tell you so, –
coming down here,
fooling poor unsuspecting mortals with your nonsense, as though we had
not
enough to harry us as it was. Then there was that other case of the
poor old
peasant couple to whom you promised three wishes, the whole
thing ending in a
black pudding. And they never got even that. You thought that funny, I
suppose.
That was your fairy humour! A pity, I say, you have not, all of you,
something
better to do with your time. As I said before, you take that
celestial 'Joe
Miller' of yours and work it off on somebody else. I have read my fairy
lore, and
I have read my mythology, and I don't want any of your blessings. And
what's
more, I'm not going to have them, When I want blessings I will put up
with the
usual sort we are accustomed to down here. You know the ones I mean,
the
disguised brand, – the blessings that no human being would
think were
blessings, if he were not told; the blessings that don't look like
blessings,
that don't feel like blessings; that, as a matter of fact, are
not blessings,
practically speaking; the blessings that other people think are
blessings for
us and that we don't. They've got their drawbacks, but they
are better than
yours, at any rate, and they are sooner over. I don't want your
blessings at
any price. If you leave one here, I shall simply throw it out after
you."
I feel confident I should
have answered like that, and I feel it would have done good. Somebody
ought to
have spoken plainly, because with fairies and angels of that sort
fooling
about, no one was ever safe for a moment. Children could hardly have
been allowed
outside the door. One never could have told what silly trick some
would-be
funny fairy might be waiting to play off on them. The poor child would
not
know, and would think it was getting something worth having. The wonder
to me
is that some of those angels didn't get tarred and feathered.
I am doubtful whether even
Cinderella's luck was quite as satisfying as we are led to believe.
After the
carpetless kitchen and the black beetles, how beautiful the palace must
have
seemed – for the first year, perhaps for the first
two. And the Prince! how
loving, how gallant, how tender – for the first year, perhaps
for the first
two. And after? You see he was a Prince, brought up in a Court, the
atmosphere
of which is not conducive to the development of the domestic virtues;
and she –
was Cinderella. And then the marriage altogether was rather a
hurried affair.
Oh, yes, she is a good, loving little woman; but perhaps our Royal
Highness-ship did act too much on the impulse of the moment. It was her
dear,
dainty feet that danced their way into our heart. How they flashed and
twinkled, cased in those fairy slippers! How like a lily among tulips
she moved
that night amid the over-gorgeous Court dames! She was so sweet, so
fresh, so
different to all the others whom we knew so well. How happy she looked
as she
put her trembling little hand in ours! What possibilities might lie
behind
those drooping lashes! And we were in amorous mood that night, the
music in our
feet, the flash and glitter in our eyes. And then, to pique us
further, she
disappeared as suddenly and strangely as she had come. Who was she?
Whence came
she? What was the mystery surrounding her? Was she only a
delicious dream, a
haunting phantasy that we should never look upon again, never clasp
again
within our longing arms? Was our heart to be for ever hungry, haunted
by the
memory of – No by heavens, she is real, and a woman. Here is
her dear slipper,
made surely to be kissed; of a size too that a man may well wear within
the
breast of his doublet. Had any woman – nay, fairy, angel,
such dear feet?
Search the whole kingdom through, but find her, find her. The gods have
heard
our prayers and given us this clue. "Suppose she be not all she seemed!
Suppose she be not of birth fit to mate with our noble house!" Out upon
thee, for an earth-bound, blind curmudgeon of a Lord High Chancellor!
How could
a woman whom such slipper fitted, be but of the noblest and the best,
as far
above us, mere Princelet that we are, as the stars in heaven are
brighter than
thy dull old eyes? Go, search the kingdom, we tell thee, from east to
west,
from north to south, and see to it that thou findest her, or it shall
go hard
with thee. By Venus, be she a swineherd's daughter, she shall be our
Queen – an
she deign to accept of us, and of our kingdom.
Ah, well, of course it was
not a wise piece of business, that goes without saying; but we were
young, and
princes are only human. Poor child, she could not help her education,
or rather
her lack of it. Dear little thing, the wonder is that she has contrived
to be
no more ignorant than she is, dragged up as she was, neglected and
overworked.
Nor does life in a kitchen, amid the companionship of peasants
and menials,
tend to foster the intellect. Who can blame her for being shy and
somewhat dull
of thought? Not we, generous-minded, kind-hearted Prince that we are.
And she
is very affectionate. The family are trying, certainly;
father-in-law not a
bad sort, though a little prosy when upon the subject of his
domestic
troubles, and a little too fond of his glass; mamma-in-law, and those
two ugly,
ill-mannered sisters, decidedly a nuisance about the palace. Yet what
can we do
? They are our relations now, and they don't forget to let us know. it.
Well,
well, we had to expect that, and things might have been worse. Anyhow,
she is
not jealous – thank goodness.
So the day comes when poor
little Cinderella sits alone of a night in the beautiful
palace. The courtiers
have gone home in their carriages. The Lord High Chancellor has bowed
himself
out backwards. The Gold-Stick-in-Waiting and the Grooms of the Chamber
have
gone to their beds. The Maids of Honour have said "Good-night," and
drifted out of the door, laughing and whispering among themselves. The
clock
strikes twelve – one – two, and still no footstep
creaks upon the stair. Once
it followed swiftly upon the "good-night" of the maids, who did not
laugh or whisper then.
At last the door opens, and
the Prince enters, none too pleased at finding Cinderella
still awake.
"So sorry I'm late, my love – detained on affairs of state.
Foreign policy
very complicated, dear. Have only just this moment left the Council
Chamber." And little Cinderella, while the Prince sleeps, lies sobbing
out
her poor sad heart into the beautiful royal pillow, embroidered with
the royal
arms and edged with the royal monogram in lace. "Why did he ever marry
me?
I should have been happier in the old kitchen. The black
beetles did frighten
me a little, but there was always the dear old cat; and sometimes, when
mother
and the girls were out, papa would call softly down the kitchen stairs
for me
to come up, and we would have such a merry evening together, and sup
off
sausages. Dear old dad, I hardly ever see him now. And then, when my
work was
done, how pleasant it was to sit in front of the fire, and dream of the
wonderful things that would come to me some day! I was always going to
be a
princess, even in my dreams, and live in a palace, but it was so
different to
this. Oh, how I hate it, this beastly palace where everybody sneers at
me – I
know they do, though they bow and scrape and pretend to be so polite.
And I'm
not clever and smart as they are. I hate them. I hate these bold-faced
women
who are always here. That is the worst of a palace, everybody can come
in. Oh,
I hate everybody and everything. Oh, godmamma, godmamma, come
and take me
away. Take me back to my old kitchen. Give me back my old poor frock.
Let me
dance again with the fire-tongs for a partner, and be happy, dreaming."
Poor little Cinderella,
perhaps it would have been better had godmamma been less ambitious for
you,
dear; had you married some good, honest yeoman, who would never have
known that
you were not brilliant, who would have loved you because you
were just amiable
and pretty; had your kingdom been only a farmhouse, where your
knowledge of
domestic economy, gained so hardly, would have been useful; where you
would
have shone instead of being overshadowed; where papa would
have dropped in of
an evening to smoke his pipe and escape from his domestic wrangles;
where you
would have been real
Queen.
But then you know, dear, you
would not have been content. Ah, yes, with your present experience, now
you
know that queens as well as little drudges have their troubles, but without
that experience? You would have looked in the glass when you were
alone; you
would have looked at your shapely hands and feet, and the shadows would
have
crossed your pretty face. "Yes," you would have said to yourself,
"John is a dear, kind follow, and I love him very much, and all that,
but–"
and the old dreams, dreamt in the old low-ceilinged kitchen before the
dying
fire, would have come back to you, and you would have been discontented
then as
now, only in a different way. Oh, yes, you would, Cinderella, though
you
gravely shake your gold-crowned head. And let me tell you why. It is
because
you are a woman, and the fate of all of us, men and women alike, is to
be for
ever wanting what we have not, and to be finding, when we have it, that
it is
not what we wanted. That is the law of life, dear. Do you think, as you
lie
upon the floor with your head upon your arms, that you are the only
woman whose
tears are soaking into the hearth-rug at that moment? My dear
Princess, if you
could creep unseen about your city, peeping at will through the
curtain-shielded
windows, you would come to think that all the world was little else
than a big
nursery full of crying children with none to comfort them. The doll is
broken:
no longer it sweetly squeaks in answer to our pressure, "I love you;
kiss
me." The drum lies silent with the drumstick inside; no longer do we
make
a brave noise in the nursery. The box of tea-things we have clumsily
put our
foot upon; there will be no more merry parties around the
three-legged stool.
The tin trumpet will not play the note we want to sound; the wooden
bricks keep
falling down; the toy cannon has exploded and burnt our fingers. Never
mind,
little man, little woman; we will try and mend things to-morrow.
And, after all, Cinderella
dear, you do live in a fine palace, and you have jewels and grand
dresses and –
No. no, do not be indignant with me.
Did
not you dream of these things as
well
as of love? Come now, be
honest. It was always a prince, was it not, or, at
the least, an exceedingly well-to-do party, that handsome young
gentleman who
bowed to you so gallantly from the red embers? He was never a virtuous
young
commercial traveller, or cultured clerk, earning a salary of
three pounds a
week, was he, Cinderella? Yet there are many charming commercial
travellers,
many delightful clerks with limited incomes, quite sufficient,
however, to a
sensible man and woman desiring but each other's love. Why was it
always a
prince, Cinderella? Had the palace and the liveried servants, and the
carriages
and horses, and the jewels and the dresses, nothing
to do with the dream?
No, Cinderella, you were
human, that is all. The artist shivering in his conventional attic,
dreaming of
fame! – do you think he is not hoping she will come to his
loving arms in the
form Jove came to Danae? Do you think he is not reckoning also upon the
good
dinners and the big cigars, the fur coat and the diamond studs, that
her visits
will enable him to purchase ?
There is a certain picture
very popular just now. You may see it, Cinderella, in many of the
shop-windows
of the town. It is called "The Dream of Love," and it
represents a
beautiful young girl, sleeping in a very beautiful but somewhat
disarranged
bed. Indeed, one hopes, for the sleeper's sake, that the night is warm,
and
that the room is fairly free from draughts. A ladder of light streams
down from
the sky into the room, and upon this ladder crowd and jostle one
another a
small army of plump Cupids, each one laden with some pledge of love.
Two of the
imps are emptying a sack of jewels upon the floor. Four others are
bearing,
well displayed, a magnificent dress (a "confection," I believe, is
the proper term) cut somewhat low, but making up in train what is
lacking
elsewhere. Others bear bonnet-boxes from which peep stylish toques and
bewitching
hoods. Some, representing evidently wholesale houses, stagger, under
silks and
satins in the piece. Cupids are there from the shoemakers with the
daintiest of
bottines.
Stockings, garters, and
even less mentionable articles are not forgotten. Caskets, mirrors,
twelve-buttoned
gloves, scent bottles and handkerchiefs, hairpins, and the
gayest of parasols,
has the God of Love piled into the arms of his messengers. Really a
most
practical, up-to-date God of Love, moving with the times! One feels
that the
modern Temple of Love must be a sort of Swan and Edgar's; the god
himself a
kind of celestial shop-walker; while his mother, Venus, no doubt
superintends
the costume department. Quite an Olympian Whiteley, this latter-day
Eros; he
has forgotten nothing, for at the back of the picture I notice one
Cupid
carrying a rather fat heart at the end of a string.
You, Cinderella, could give
good counsel to that sleeping child. You would say to her: "Awake from
such dreams. The contents of a pawnbroker's store-room will not bring
you
happiness. Dream of love if you will; that is a wise dream, even if it
remains
ever a dream. But these coloured beads, these Manchester goods! are you
then –
you, heiress of all the ages – still at heart only as some
poor savage maiden
but little removed above the monkeys that share the primeval forest
with her?
Will you sell your gold to the first trader that brings you this
barter!
These things, child, will only dazzle your eyes for a few days. Do you
think
the Burlington Arcade is the gate of heaven?"
Ah, yes, I too could talk
like that, – I, writer of books, to the young lad, sick of
his office stool,
dreaming of a literary career leading to fame and fortune. "And do you
think, lad, that by that road you will reach Happiness sooner than by
another?
Do you think interviews with yourself in penny weeklies will bring you
any
satisfaction after the first half-dozen? Do you think the gushing
female who
has read all your books, and who wonders what it must feel like to be
so
clever, will be welcome to you the tenth time you meet her? Do you
think press
cuttings will always consist of wondering admiration of your
genius, of
paragraphs about your charming personal appearance under the head of
'Our
Celebrities'? Have you thought of the uncomplimentary
criticisms, of
the spiteful paragraphs, of the ever-lasting fear of slipping a few
inches down
the greasy pole called 'popular taste,' to which you are condemned to
cling for
life, as some lesser criminal to his weary tread-mill, struggling with
no hope
but not to fall? Make a home, lad, for the woman who loves you; gather
one or
two friends about you; work, think, and play, that will bring you
happiness. Shun
this roaring
gingerbread fair that calls itself, forsooth, the 'world
of art and letters.' Let its clowns and its contortionists
fight among
themselves for the plaudits and the halfpence of the mob. Let it be
with its
shouting and its surging, its blare and its cheap flare. Come away; the
summer's night is just the other side of the hedge, with its silence
and its
stars."
You
and I, Cinderella, are experienced people, and
can therefore offer good advice, but do you think we should be listened
to?
"Ah, no, my Prince is
not as yours. Mine will love me always, and I am peculiarly
fitted for the
life of a palace. I have the instinct and the ability for it. I am sure
I was
made for a princess. Thank you, Cinderella, for your well-meant
counsel, but
there is much difference between you and me."
That is the answer you would
receive, Cinderella; and my young friend would say to me:
"Yes, I can
understand your finding disappointment in the literary career; but
then, you
see, our cases are not quite similar. I
am not likely to find much
trouble in keeping my
position. I
shall not fear reading what the
critics say of me.
No doubt there are disadvantages, when you are among
the ruck, but there is always plenty of room at the top. So thank you,
and
good-bye."
Besides, Cinderella dear, we
should not quite mean it, – this excellent advice. We have
grown accustomed to
these gewgaws, and we should miss them in spite of our knowledge of
their
trashiness: you, your palace and your little gold crown; I, my
mountebank's cap
and the answering laugh that goes up from the crowd when I shake my
bells, we
want everything, – all the happiness that earth and heaven
are capable of
bestowing; creature comforts, and heart and soul comforts also; and,
proud-spirited beings that we are, we will not be put off with a part.
Give us
only everything, and we will be content. And, after all,
Cinderella, you have
had your day. Some little dogs never get theirs. You must not be
greedy. You
have known happiness.
The palace was
Paradise for those few months, and the Prince's arms were about you,
Cinderella, the Prince's kisses on your lips; the gods themselves
cannot take that
from you.
The cake cannot last for
ever if we will eat of it so greedily. There must come the day when we
have
picked hungrily the last crumb; when we sit staring at the empty board,
nothing
left of the feast, Cinderella, but the pain that comes of feasting.
It is a naïve
confession,
poor Human Nature has made to itself, in choosing, as it has,
this story of Cinderella
for its leading moral: Be good, little girl. Be meek under your many
trials. Be
gentle and kind, in spite of your hard lot, and one day – you
shall marry a
prince and. ride in your own carriage. Be brave and true, little boy.
Work hard
and wait with patience, and in the end, with God's blessing, you shall
earn
riches enough to come back to London town and marry your master's
daughter.
You and I, gentle Reader,
could teach these young folks a truer lesson, an we would. We know,
alas! that
the road of all the virtues does not lead to wealth, rather the
contrary; else
how explain our limited incomes? But would it be well, think you, to
tell them
bluntly the truth? – that honesty is the most expensive
luxury a man can indulge
in; that virtue, if persisted in, leads, generally speaking, to a
six-roomed house
in an outlying suburb. Maybe the world is wise: the fictïon
has its uses.
I am acquainted with a
fairly intelligent young lady. She can read and write, knows her tables
up to
six times, and can argue. I regard her as representative of average
Humanity in
its attitude towards Fate; and this is a dialogue I lately overheard
between
her and an elder lady who is good enough to occasionally impart to her
the
wisdom of the world: –
"I've been good this
morning, haven't I?"
"Yes; oh, yes, fairly
good, for you."
"You think papa will
take me to the circus to-night?"
"Yes, if you keep good.
If you don't get naughty this afternoon."
A pause.
"I was good on Monday,
you may remember, nurse."
"Tolerably good."
"Very
good, you
said, nurse."
"Well, yes, you weren't
bad."
"And I was to have gone
to the pantomime, and I didn't."
"Well, that was because
your aunt came up suddenly, and your papa couldn't get another seat.
Poor
auntie wouldn’t have gone at all if she hadn’t gone
then."
"Oh, wouldn’t
she?"
"No."
Another pause.
"Do you think she'll
come up suddenly to-day?"
"Oh, no, I don't think
so."
"No. I hope she doesn't.
I want to go to the circus to-night. Because, you see, nurse, if I
don't it
will discourage me."
So perhaps the world is wise
in promising us the circus. We believe her at first. But after
a while, I
fear, we grow discouraged.