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XXXIII. A HOME FOUND. MY greatest
anxiety now was to obtain employment. My health was greatly improved, though my
limbs continued to trouble me with swelling whenever I walked much. The
greatest difficulty in my way was, that those who employed strangers required a
recommendation; and in my peculiar position, I could, of course, obtain no
certificates from the families I had so faithfully served. One day an
acquaintance told me of a lady who wanted a nurse for her babe, and I
immediately applied for the situation. The lady told me she preferred to have
one who had been a mother, and accustomed to the care of infants. I told her I
had nursed two babes of my own. She asked me many questions, but, to my great
relief, did not require a recommendation from my former employers. She told me
she was an English woman, and that was a pleasant circumstance to me, because I
had heard they had less prejudice against color than Americans entertained. It
was agreed that we should try each other for a week. The trial proved
satisfactory to both parties, and I was engaged for a month. The heavenly
Father had been most merciful to me in leading me to this place. Mrs. Bruce was
a kind and gentle lady, and proved a true and sympathizing friend. Before the
stipulated month expired, the necessity of passing up and down stairs
frequently, caused my limbs to swell so painfully, that I became unable to
perform my duties. Many ladies would have thoughtlessly discharged me; but Mrs.
Bruce made arrangements to save me steps, and employed a physician to attend
upon me. I had not yet told her that I was a fugitive slave. She noticed that I
was often sad, and kindly inquired the cause. I spoke of being separated from
my children, and from relatives who were dear to me; but I did not mention the
constant feeling of insecurity which oppressed my spirits. I longed for some
one to confide in; but I had been so deceived by white people, that I had lost
all confidence in them. If they spoke kind words to me, I thought it was for
some selfish purpose. I had entered this family with the distrustful feelings I
had brought with me out of slavery; but ere six months had passed, I found that
the gentle deportment of Mrs. Bruce and the smiles of her lovely babe were
thawing my chilled heart. My narrow mind also began to expand under the
influences of her intelligent conversation, and the opportunities for reading,
which were gladly allowed me whenever I had leisure from my duties. I gradually
became more energetic and more cheerful. The old feeling
of insecurity, especially with regard to my children, often threw its dark
shadow across my sunshine. Mrs. Bruce offered me a home for Ellen; but pleasant
as it would have been, I did not dare to accept it, for fear of offending the
Hobbs family. Their knowledge of my precarious situation placed me in their
power; and I felt that it was important for me to keep on the right side of
them, till, by dint of labor and economy, I could make a home for my children.
I was far from feeling satisfied with Ellen's situation. She was not well cared
for. She sometimes came to New York to visit me; but she generally brought a
request from Mrs. Hobbs that I would buy her a pair of shoes, or some article
of clothing. This was accompanied by a promise of payment when Mr. Hobbs's
salary at the Custom House became due; but some how or other the pay-day never
came. Thus many dollars of my earnings were expended to keep my child
comfortably clothed. That, however, was a slight trouble, compared with the
fear that their pecuniary embarrassments might induce them to sell my precious
young daughter. I knew they were in constant communication with Southerners,
and had frequent opportunities to do it. I have stated that when Dr. Flint put
Ellen in jail, at two years old, she had an inflammation of the eyes,
occasioned by measles. This disease still troubled her; and kind Mrs. Bruce
proposed that she should come to New York for a while, to be under the care of
Dr. Elliott, a well known oculist. It did not occur to me that there was any
thing improper in a mother's making such a request; but Mrs. Hobbs was very
angry, and refused to let her go. Situated as I was, it was not politic to
insist upon it. I made no complaint, but I longed to be entirely free to act a
mother's part towards my children. The next time I went over to Brooklyn, Mrs.
Hobbs, as if to apologize for her anger, told me she had employed her own
physician to attend to Ellen's eyes, and that she had refused my request
because she did not consider it safe to trust her in New York. I accepted the
explanation in silence; but she had told me that my child belonged to
her daughter, and I suspected that her real motive was a fear of my conveying
her property away from her. Perhaps I did her injustice; but my knowledge of
Southerners made it difficult for me to feel otherwise. Sweet and bitter were mixed in the cup of my life, and I was thankful that it had ceased to be entirely bitter. I loved Mrs. Bruce's babe. When it laughed and crowed in my face, and twined its little tender arms confidingly about my neck, it made me think of the time when Benny and Ellen were babies, and my wounded heart was soothed. One bright morning, as I stood at the window, tossing baby in my arms, my attention was attracted by a young man in sailor's dress, who was closely observing every house as he passed. I looked at him earnestly. Could it be my brother William? It must be he—and yet, how changed! I placed the baby safely, flew down stairs, opened the front door, beckoned to the sailor, and in less than a minute I was clasped in my brother's arms. How much we had to tell each other! How we laughed, and how we cried, over each other's adventures! I took him to Brooklyn, and again saw him with Ellen, the dear child whom he had loved and tended so carefully, while I was shut up in my miserable den. He staid in New York a week. His old feelings of affection for me and Ellen were as lively as ever. There are no bonds so strong as those which are formed by suffering together. |